yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
