i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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