i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
