Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
