Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
