I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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