I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
