Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
did i just pee glitter
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
