Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
