Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
