I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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