I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
