After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
