i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
