You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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