I puked a lego.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
