I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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