I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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