Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
