As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
