Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
