well I can't set my house on fire every night
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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