At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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