I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
