so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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