I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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