he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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