does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
