"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I forget how to act sober
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
