please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
