I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
