just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
