Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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