Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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