I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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