he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Drunk is a universal language darling
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