Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
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"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
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