I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
