Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
