Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is Oprah even human
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
