Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this boner is exhausting
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
