I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
