Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
