be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
