She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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