now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
