: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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