I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So apparently I’m into choking now
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