If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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