Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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