yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
