The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
