he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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