Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it's like iHOP with fire
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
