census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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