If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
