I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
