Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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