Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
