using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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