I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
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Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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