i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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