I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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