you guys were way drunker than both of me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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