Everything about him screamed your future.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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