Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
