My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
