Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
